Last Monday
Last Monday, my toes were in the sand, and the marine layer had lifted. The tide was low, but this year, most of the sand had shifted offshore leaving a beautiful, rocky, exposed stretch of Pacific coastline. My beach chair was wedged into the sand and rocks. It was a stunning day, and I found myself both admiring the beauty and edgy and out-of-sorts, with low energy and a feeling of emotional dissonance. My inner state requires attention and I need to manifest lasting change. I have been here before.
The past month has been a whirlwind. The big news: I am seeking my next role. After seven years, my position was eliminated, and the last few weeks of winding down the role were very busy. It was a beautiful ending – I felt well appreciated, that I was able to serve the organization well, that the time was right for this change. At this crossroads of my career, gratitude abounds – what a great role, job, company, and team. And now, there is space to think and plan and prepare. I acknowledge these gifts and this privilege; I will use this time well. I am excited for what is next.
But despite the scenery and the day, there was a discord between head and feet. While my toes were in the sand, my brain was still going 500 miles an hour. I am again in transition. As I tried to relax in my beach chair, I began thinking about this change. If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that these feelings are a signal for me to start paying attention to my energy and inner state.
Everything, All the Time
When I was younger, I subscribed to the very American idea of “everything, all the time.” How much can be packed into a day? In my late teens and twenties, I worked in the restaurant business. Long hours, heavy workloads, intense interactions – this shaped the pace and frequency of life and got into my blood. The restaurant culture created a set of beliefs and patterns that have been hard to unwind.
At college, we pulled all-nighters to get our work done; in the workforce we are still encouraged to push hard if we want to climb the career ladder or be taken seriously. It is a badge of honor to be busy, to have back-to-back meetings, to be pushing hard. To this day, there is a part of me that still loves this hustle. Most days, I have energy and stamina and ambition and motivation in spades. But now, like many people in the workforce, I am also cultivating more harmony and balance. It has become clear that the always-on mentality is not sustainable. With the hustle, there needs to be some down time, space for leisure, and other interests. It is not easy to change the paradigm – in behavior or in thought.
Energy & Inner State
About 20 years ago, I began to understand that my energy and inner state were connected and comprised a resource needing regular attention. Some life circumstances made it clear that there was no choice but to pay attention to both. I think of both energy and inner state as recipes. Energy is made up of the ingredients of rest, nutrition, and movement. Inner state builds on the available energy plus the circumstances and shapes of our lives. These two states of being can ebb and flow based on the alchemical dance of life. So, during this period in my life, the first change: sleeping when tired. Sounds so simple, right? But this was a huge departure from my previous life.
This slight change opened the door to others, and ever since, I’ve been doing the work of paying attention to my energy and inner state AND navigating the shifts in beliefs that are necessary to sustaining the new behaviors and habits. It is not a linear or smooth progression. All these years later, I’m still refining the process, but my overall well-being has improved greatly as a result of this work. As I sat at the beach last Monday, I was aware.
Change & Transition | A Slippery Beast
Lately I’ve been thinking about change and transition. I used to think that the terms were interchangeable, but now I see transition as the process resulting from a change. We can undergo a change within moments, but it’s this process of transition that is a slippery beast – it can take a long time to process and incorporate the change into a comfortable consciousness.
We can know or understand something but not change our behavior. We can take a step forward and two steps back. It can be frustrating and take years to get where we want to go. I can say that in the area of sleep, rest, and restoration, I no longer have to fight what I call the mini-wars – those small internal battles between the old behavior and new habit. So it was with paying attention to my sleep.
The Path of Least Resistance
When working on a transition, do not underestimate the power of the current systems and routines. In the book, The Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz states: “once a structure exists, energy moves through that structure along the easiest path.” These structures can either support or be a huge impediment to making change. It takes experimentation and an understanding of the structures of your life to be able to create a new sustainable system. If you are serious and self-discipline isn’t working, it could be a structural issue. (Maybe you are not self-sabotaging!)
It took me years to make the full transition – to understand and embrace my very personal sleep and rest profile. Through trial and error, I now fully understand my own rhythms and plan accordingly. It was Fritz’s book that helped me reassess some of the structures in my life that were preventing full adoption. One example: travel. I used to book early flights out of habit. Invariably I’d be up late the night before getting ready and would go to sleep much later than planned. This would create an anxiety that prevented good sleep. Then, when waking up the next morning, I would feel physically terrible. And thus, a trip would begin. Not fun. It created anxiety and pulled energy from what we should be focusing on.
Taking stock of our routines and schedules – our structures – is a process that takes time. But when faced with change or in the process of transition, it can make the difference between oscillation – one step forward, one step back – and success. With sleep and rest, there are no more mini-wars, but now a comfortable consciousness, woven into the fabric of my life.
Transition Days
Because of the awareness I now have about my own energy ebb and flow and inner rhythms, I know that the days of low energy and dissonance deserve a softer focus of attention. They are best viewed as transition days, ones that can be taken a little slower, or with more grace around productivity. Restoration and preparation might not look productive, but this, too is important work – especially for continued well-being in the long marathon that is life.
So last Monday, even though I had planned to write and do other productive things, I knew I needed revitalization. I stretched out on the couch and watched a few episodes of Madame Secretary. This was what restoration entailed in that moment. And later, after some tasty food, music, and family time – attention to my inner state – I started feeling like Kris again. Yes, there’s been a big change; I am again in transition. I have been here before.
At the Workbench | 11 Questions
As you invest in becoming aware of your own energy and inner state, you’ll begin to notice small adjustments you can make. These changes can have an exponential impact in the work and personal spheres. Here are some questions to consider:
- How many hours of sleep are ideal for you to operate and feel your best?
- At what times of the day are you most productive? Least?
- What blend of meals and snacks works best for your life as it’s being lived, right now?
- For women, how does your cycle impact your energy? Which times require more/less rest?
- What times of the year are most busy for you?
- Throughout the day or week, what are the demands on your attention and concentration?
- What movement or exercise is most enjoyable and energizing for you?
- What tasks, people or events sap your energy?
- What do you do to refill your tank?
- What is important to you in paying attention to your emotional state?
- What routines or schedules might need tweaking in order to support a change?
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