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Before we jump into this episode, today, we’ll start the practice of including some reflections or thoughts that have emerged since our last show; We’ll also begin including a shout out to someone or something that has been of influence in some way.
So, jumping into the reflection first, In last week’s episode, the conversation touched on the idea of sitting in the discomfort of risk and exposure, and having the courage it takes to put yourself out there. And as I was publishing that episode, I, was also feeling very uncomfortable with sending this podcast out into the world. So, my friend Lyn and I were talking about this, and she pointed out that I was experiencing the exact feeling that the episode was about, and I didn’t realize it.
We were both laughing, and it reminded me again that even when you think you’ve got things figured out, knowing them intellectually is not the same as understanding it in practice. But I think you have to sit in that discomfort and do it anyway!
Most of the time, it’s the getting used to something that is uncomfortable, and this feeling eases after some time passes. Don’t pull the plug too quickly!
All right, and for this week’s shout out:
I have so many people I want to acknowledge, so, I decided to incorporate it as an element of each episode.
Today’s shout out is to my friend Leonardo and his wife Ana. Leonardo and I were on a board together several years ago, and we still meet about once a month to talk about our business and project ideas, and he has helped me sharpen my thinking on so many levels. He was an initial supporter of the podcast idea and told me that he thought I’d be great at it– and this helped me decide to stop talking and take action. He also encouraged me to focus on the quality of the product, and he and Ana provided some very specific and helpful feedback on an early episode. Leo and Ana – thank you for your contributions and friendship!
Ok! On to the episode…
This week’s episode is what my son has dubbed a podlet – a short solo episode in which I share one of the elements in my own journey of growth and instigating change in my life. Today, I’d like to share some thoughts on the poem, The Journey by Mary Oliver, and the influence she’s had on my life and thinking, and I’d like to start with a letter written to her in appreciation,
Ah…Mary Oliver. Thank you for emerging into my consciousness at the exact time I needed to hear your words!
You will never know this, but for a time there, my friend and I would exchange your poems at work. And on the backs of leaves and for others to find, an artist friend writes this line from A Summer Day:
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
I, like so many others, have connected with your pain, your joy, your experience; and from your example, my love and appreciation for nature has deepened. I send the poem Wild Geese to those in distress, and in Picking Blueberries in Austerlitz, I feel like I’m the one the laying in the grass, in August, with the blueberries, not too far from where I grew up in New York State.
So many people have been touched by your work. From Oprah and Maria Shriver to countless others who carry a piece of you with them – we are fortified in our moments of need. I too carry with me the sentiments you expressed so elegantly in your poem, The Journey.
At the time that this poem found me, I was searching for my new life. This Journey of mine had begun in the later months of my pregnancy, as I sat on the edge of a bed in an apartment in San Diego, wondering how I would take my knowledge and experience into the next phase of my life.
Not realizing at the time just how consuming parenthood would be, I thought I was on the way. It was many years before my attention returned to these thoughts and ideas, and the life I lived in this interim period was rich – in different and unexpected ways. With the growing up of a child, there becomes an incremental return to self, and as this process occurred, I began reclaiming some time of my own, and thinking about what my contribution to this world could be.
So much to clean up, though. Old habits, relationships, ways of behaving – this poem gave me the permission needed to begin the process of listening to my own voice and give that at least as much attention as I was giving to the other voices in my life at the time. Your poem shored me up with the internal fortitude to pursue my master’s degree, to renegotiate my relationships, to leave behind old and unnecessary baggage, but most importantly, to honor and accept the unique beauty within. I can’t tell you how essential this is to my philosophy and world view now – it informs my parenting, my relationships, my work, my coaching. It’s been such a gift.
You passed away earlier this year, and for weeks, it was impossible to find your books in the bookstores. You touched so many and I am ever grateful. Thank you.
And now, here’s the poem, The Journey… (5:15)
The Impact
Three of the lines in this poem have been especially impactful, and my intention in sharing these is that you, too can use them in the continued emergence of your own voice – a lifelong process.
Line: “Though the whole house began to tremble…”
What relationships are you feeling unsettled in, where are can’t truly be yourself? This can manifest in many ways, from mild discomfort and feeling like you aren’t understood, to feeling so angry your stomach hurts. After the initial emotion wears off, then how do you feel? Paying attention to these feelings (both in the moment and later) can provide strong clues to where a relationship may need some calibration. This is hard, and then it is hard to take that knowledge and communicate it. There is no roadmap for this, but this line in the poem gives us a place to start.
“Mend my life!”
Do others expect your help with certain areas of life? Are you the go to person for events or planning or showing up, or providing care, or organizing things for others? Have you fallen into a routine that you’d like to change? This is what I interpret the line “mend my life” to mean. How hard is it to make changes in an established expectation? When we become cognizant and start moving towards resentment in our roles, it signifies an imbalance that needs attention. We all choose to support our people in various ways, but it is powerful to realize we don’t have to be the rescuer or fixer, and that we empower others by allowing them to mend their own lives, with us standing by, in interdependent support.
“Determined to save the only life you can save…”
There are times in our lives when we can’t please the ones we love, the ones in our inner circle. And there are times when we need to listen to that inner voice, even (and maybe especially) when others are demanding we attend to their needs. This line gave me the courage to recognize the validity and importance of my own needs and ideas and started the journey to growing a deep inner confidence in my thoughts and worldview. This has impacted ALL areas of my life and continues to evolve and grow.
Understanding self provides a strong foundation for being of service and finding your unique gifts that you can then share with the world. It is the opposite of selfish, though others may try to convince you otherwise. At first, you may feel uncomfortable with taking care of yourself in this way. If so, allow yourself to become an observer, and take some time to explore these feelings. You can then take one small step. Your contribution to the world emerges from this knowledge and it is ever so powerful. And graceful. And generous.
Resources:
Other favorite poems by Mary Oliver
- Wild Geese
- Aunt Leaf
- The Summer Day
Book: Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Volume 1
Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Unsplash