Meditation – Pull and Guilt

Building Your Bridge to Meditation

…“I never gained control of my mind- how do you dominate an ocean? – but I began to form a real relationship with it.”                         — Natalie Goldberg…

For years, my dear friend Cara has felt both pull towards and guilt around meditation.  She’s a businesswoman, mother, wife.  She knows she needs more cognitive space in her life, but can’t imagine trying to sit meditation, and so, she often finds herself at loose ends.  How to even start, when so much already needs to be done?

How do you build the bridge from non-practice to practice?  For finding the practice that works for you? 

It was Natalie Goldberg who helped build the bridge between me and my own meditation practice.  In many of her essays she talks about her own rocky path.  She has regularly participated in the Zen discipline of zazen (sitting meditation).  She’s able to sit and write for hours and days at a time.  But despite her badassery, she has had her share of struggles in coming to terms with meditation at various times in her life.  Like the rest of us, she is human.  In her essay, Meeting the Mind, Natalie also says this:

“Through writing and meditation, I identified monkey mind, that constant critic, commentator, editor, general slug and pain-in-the-ass, the voice that says, “I can’t do this, I’m bored, I hate myself, I’m no good, I can’t sit still, who do I think I am?” I saw that most of my life had been spent following that voice as though it were God, telling me the real meaning of life – when in fact, it was a mechanical contraption that all human minds contain.”

In another essay (can’t find the damn book, as usual) she talks about her Zen teacher giving her permission to view her writing as a form of meditation.  This was the moment when something clicked into place for me.  It became clear that all along, in my love for walking, I already had a meditation practice – just not on the cushion.    

Walking as Meditation

Walking combines my desire for motion with my love for nature.  It has become a way for me to better understand and actively combat my anxiety. It boosts mood.  It clears my head allowing my own monkey mind to work through all the data of life.  News, desires, dreams, concerns, problems, frustrations – these things don’t just dissipate.  If you are waking up at 3 am to process this stuff, you know what I mean.  Now, when I can finally hear the birds sing or smell the desert sage in the early morning mist, when I finally become present and, in the moment, I’ve walked almost enough.

If walking can be considered a meditation practice – that opens possibility.  For those of us restless souls who would rather pitch ourselves off a cliff than sit – there’s hope!  And if walking does the trick, might painting, or baking, or working in a woodshop count?  What about surfing or running or hiking?  I say yes.  Those pesky purists may disagree, but there are many ways in which to approach anything. 

Here’s one definition of meditation (via Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary,)

“Meditation is a practice where an individual uses a technique, such as focusing the mind on a particular object, thought or activity, to achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm state.”I

Choosing Health

Choosing health can be hard.  Absent a compelling reason, it’s easy to forget that our bodies and minds require specific and different types of attention.  We are good at understanding what needs to be done for physical health, even if we don’t always do it.  More difficult to comprehend is HOW we can ensure our mental and emotional health.  Our minds also need nourishment– in many forms.  We often fail to pay attention to the early warning signals that indicate an imbalance in our well-being.   Who hasn’t felt and tried to ignore the slow burn of frustration creeping through the body, seeking attention, and not getting it, coming out in harmful ways?  Or trying not to cry in public – say – at work in front of our colleagues – how much energy does that take?  The hangover from unresolved emotions can be felt for hours or days afterwards.  Under these conditions, no other input can really take hold. 

An Application – Our Calendars

In a podcast with Lewis Howes, Brendan Burchard talks about one of his daily habits – that of taking 20 minutes each morning to reflect on his calendar.  He does this to ensure his own continued high performance, but it is a form of meditation or focused presence.  In the morning, he contemplates each item on the calendar and considers the intentions he has for each phone call or meeting.  How does he want to feel?  What does he want to manifest?  What joy can he bring?  He wants to remain present in each exchange.  How often do we go into meetings or important conversations not having thought of HOW we are showing up?  This simple practice of focus, of mindfulness makes our interactions richer – both in the realm of our relationships and in the areas of performance and productivity. 

Grace in the Gift of Breath

How do we remember in these moments to take care, to choose health?  Starting with some form of practice is helpful.  A colleague of mine shared this simple breathing practice:  slow 4 count inhale, hold 2 counts, slow 4 count exhale.  Blood beginning to boil with your teen?  Stress building in that big meeting?  Narrow escape from an accident?  If you can’t easily get away, you can do this.  In those stressed moments, when we can remember, this game changing practice buys just enough of a pause to prevent the knee-jerk reaction or the corrosive comment, allowing some grace. 

Portable Peace

I heard somewhere once that meditation is portable peace.  You can take a few moments to stop and regroup – no one even has to know.  We know that a practice in which we consistently nourish our bodies and minds is essential for continued good mental, physical, and relationship health.  There is no human that is free from struggle, but in the middle of that, we can still try.  Perfection isn’t necessary – just start where you are.  Even a few moments of this portable peace make a difference and create the openings where before there were none.

Resources: 

• Books:  Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones and Thunder and Lightning, Cracking Open the Writer’s Craft.
• Podcast:  Lewis Howes, School of Greatness, Episode 538 with Brendan Burchard on High Performance Habits.  https://lewishowes.com/podcast/e-brendon-burchard-high-performance-habits/
• Photo taken in Vista, CA 4-7-19