A Real Vacation

Notes on Rest, Rescripting, and the Inner Work It Takes to Actually Disconnect |

Most advice about disconnecting on vacation focuses on willpower:  just put the phone away. But after years of trying and failing to actually rest, I’ve learned the real obstacle isn’t willpower, but rather the internal scripts telling us that stepping back means falling behind.

I just got back from the first real vacation that I have had in years. For the 12 days I was away: 

I didn’t do my morning pages or journal. 

I didn’t check my email.

I didn’t carry the weight of my work with me this time. 

I was able to let go, knowing that I would pick it up when I got back. 

So, I walked in the woods. Swam in the lake thirteen times. Hiked a beautiful mountain. Sat on the porch and read my book. I biked the Rail Trail and went dancing and to a concert in the park. Saw friends and family I hadn’t seen in years, and felt true embodied enjoyment in these visits. Mom and I hauled the inner tubes to the lake, where we lounged one afternoon in the water with our hats and sunglasses.

Now that I’m back, I feel different. I feel lighter, more joyful. I’m laughing more. I’m more present as I get back to my family and the various areas of work that make up my life as an entrepreneur, coach and fractional HR leader. I’m hungry to jump in, and have more clarity on what work to focus on. 

Sea Change | Internal Scripts

Scarcity mindset and the feeling of being “not enough”

The Workbench is a creative space for the inner work of leadership, and I mention this because it has taken me years of both inner work and strategic planning to allow the conditions for this to be a real vacation. 

There is something about hustle culture, the productivity bandwagon, constant optimization, the  efficiency myth and our worry that we are not enough. Together they build a background script into our operating system – so that even if our work is covered, we feel we can’t relax into a true vacation. What I’m working at here are the internal scripts that prevent true rest and recovery. 

Here’s the issue: We feel compelled to check in. We are afraid of being perceived as not committed enough, of something important slipping through the cracks. “Always on” means that we can no longer discern the urgent from the important. 

This is not sustainable, and a real change of mindset takes time and practice. 

System Recalibration | Changing the Script

Three practices: morning pages, energy management, buffers.

Updating our operating systems requires attention and intention, trial and error, compassion and sustained desire for change. To begin, we each must identify the areas within our own operating systems that we can change to align with the life we are designing. Start with just one. 

Here’s what has helped me re-calibrate my inner operating system. 

Morning Pages

A consistent practice of morning pages – journaling stream of consciousness first thing in the morning, before the world steals your focus. It’s a place to get all of the junk out of your head so that you can focus on your real work. 

This is the place where I write out my anxieties about not checking email after 6:00 (still working on this, btw); a place to write out and write out again what I hope to achieve. To process limiting beliefs. To discharge the emotions from a disagreement. To remind myself that rest is a power move, an investment in our health, in the shape of a day. To remember that trusting my instincts is always a good move. And also important:  consistency over time, while allowing life to happen. On the days or weeks that I have early meetings or obligations and can’t practice this, I trust that I’ll get back to it when I can, and I do. It’s a lifelong practice.

Energy Management

When I was younger, I didn’t pay attention to my natural rhythms of energy. I would try to work the same way every day, disregarding my cycle, and pushing through days of low energy. I would not leave buffer time for the unexpected, and then berate myself for not accomplishing everything I planned. This led to such unnecessary stress, which impacted me, and others too. 

Prioritizing sleep has been the most impactful change I’ve made in the past decade. By understanding and honoring my natural rhythms, I can better plan my work, appointments, and events. This has been a key part of my own interior renovation, paying closer attention to my energy’s ebbs and flows. Looking back, I realize I’ve been working on this for years — here’s a piece I wrote on Energy Ebb & Flow.

Buffers

I also build in buffers within my day. I still have meetings and obligations, but I protect my calendar with enough buffer time to be able to pivot. It’s an imperfect science and art, but this shift in approach and behavior supports the life that I am intentionally designing. 

Many people I know don’t believe they can do this. But I know that you can, if you start small, even with just one fifteen-minute buffer between meetings in the week. I work with my clients on this, and many have found it to be extremely uncomfortable to set and hold these boundaries, but as they get accustomed to it, and realize the compounding benefits of reflection, space, clarity and calm, they begin to build more into their days and weeks.  

These habits bring clarity and space to reflect. Clarity brings focus, and this supports the willpower needed to chip away at the change. 

Dinner with Friends

A wake-up call

I remember one day very clearly, about six or seven years ago. We were planning to go out to dinner with friends, and I simply felt…nothing. No joy, no excitement, just a sense of another chore to check off the list. Dinner with friends! So many years I’d spent at a full-speed sprint; I was burned out and exhausted. Everything felt like a chore. I decided at that moment that I wanted a different life, a more joyous experience, and little by little, I began to recalibrate, reclaim, and pay attention to what I could do to change that feeling. Little by little. 

Coming Home

Closing the gap

That dinner years ago was the catalyst to evaluate my life – really look at where I was, where I wanted to be and how to close the gap – and that took some time. Small adjustments to create more space. Saying no so that I could recharge. Tuning into what was meaningful for me. Testing and refining new habits to support the life I wanted. That experience now shapes how I work with others. Making time to tune in is an essential part of any interior renovation.

And sitting on an inner tube at the lake with my Mom this summer – this felt like coming home.

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Postscript & Further Reading

After I wrote this, a fellow entrepreneur, Lucy Kelleher – an awesome Business Development Strategist and new friend posted this piece, which I feel is a natural complement and I wanted to share it:  

Loyal Edge: I Forgot I Had a Choice

She’s been an inspiration to me and one of the questions she’s been asking herself about longstanding habits is this: 

“Is this still serving me, or am I simply following a definition of success I inherited from someone else?”

Whether it’s reframing your mindset about a habit, or recalibrating your relationship to rest and recovery, it’s a good question to keep working on, to build a life that feels like home.

Thanks for reading!

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