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…The Beauty of Setting Down Old Burdens…
Welcome to another episode of the workbench, where we take the time and make the space to build and create in our lives. Today’s episode is drawn from a conversation recorded in May of 2018 with three of my favorite people; my Mom, and dear friends Lyn and Deb. From that recording, a story emerged – an experience my Mom had at a solo jazz workshop at the Vermont Jazz Center in Brattleboro.
My mom has played piano since she was five years old, and music has been a constant in her life. She attends an annual workshop in August each year, in which people from all over the world come to study, practice and perform. I felt this story to be perfect for The Workbench, because it embodies so many elements of the work we do in pursuit of getting better at our craft.
In this episode we touch on themes of performance, sitting with and moving beyond fear, the concept of practice, both musical and spiritual, feeling exposed, taking risks, embracing feedback, and separating emotions from the narrative that often accompanies them.
As we all know, doing this work can be difficult, but as you will hear in this story, the hard work paid off in a deeper confidence, openness, and finding success on a very personal level.
Show Notes
2:05 Karen talks a little about the musical workshop in VT, the history of attending, and the community of musicians. Also, the invitation to perform and get feedback in front of an audience of musicians. Apprehensive but excited.
4:30 Photo of piano, a breathtaking piece of percussion. In awe of the instrument. (This is the featured photo, courtesy of Karen Baker.)
5:22 The night before the performance, lying in bed, the question was: At what point in your life are you going to stop being nervous, will you stop feeling fear about performing for people? Came to: Why don’t I just stop being fearful? Why don’t I just let that go?
6:05 Karen talks about her Buddhist meditation practice and she introduces how she applied the “Benefactor Practice” idea to this situation.
7:35 Her realization that all the people here were her benefactors. Even the ones who are making her feel nervous, because they provided the opportunity to manage her reactions.
8:40 Karen shares the process and evolution of her thinking during the workshop and how with solo piano, there really aren’t any rules. Another element: she didn’t have a chance to play the piano she would be performing on, and in considering her performance, decided to start with one note.
9:50 In a Master Class the instructor was talking about patience…”He’s talking to me!” It was almost like a sword. Receiving the message and taking it to heart.
10:35 The performance. Karen played one note and let it ring. At one point she got lost but knew how to get back. The performance lasted for five minutes, and then she received 15 minutes of feedback.
12:23 Karen talks about how she was feeling during the performance: nervous, joyful, appreciative of the beauty of the piano. And after, felt that the first note was the most beautiful moment of the song, and was happy with her performance, and that she’d moved beyond the fear.
13:42 Deb asks: Is fear a choice? Karen thinks is can be, that when fear arises, you can make the choice to allow yourself to feel that in your body.
17:06 More feedback: “You had us in the palm of your hand”, and, What’s she going to do next?
18:25 Discussion about performance stress, how to differentiate between stress and distress, how positive stress can hone focus and help shut out distractions and the usefulness of tension.
22:42 Idea: The importance and power of becoming an observer of the feelings and emotions we have.
24:30 Karen talks about one of her teachers sharing the idea that in addressing our emotions, we can tease apart the actual physical feeling from the storyline about the feeling – that there’s a whole network and constellation of narratives around performing. There’s also the physical feeling, which actually feels threatening and our reaction is to push this feeling away. If we can instead engage in feeling the emotion and in inquiry into the conditioning or triggers, this can help with the hard work that can result in clarity and choice of action in the moment.
Workbench Work (aka Takeaways)
- What burdens should you consider setting down? Engage in both feeling and inquiry.
- Give the emotions you are feeling your full attention. Try to understand what’s actually happening in THIS moment.
Tune in next week for a solo episode!