Wednesday Workbench #14: Held Hostage by Your Mistakes?

2 Scenarios:

You’ve just made a mistake at work, and for the rest of the day and into the evening, you are kicking yourself as you replay the error in your mind. 
Or: 
You’ve just made a mistake at work.  It’s brought to your attention, you evaluate it, own it, decide how to fix it, and move on. 

Which of these responses do you typically default to?

The Weight
Making mistakes is part of our very human existence, yet we often do anything in our power to ignore, cover up, move away, or deny the mistakes we make. We then carry the weight of our errors and failures with us longer than is helpful. We’ve been well trained in this response and we all know people who like to hold us hostage to our past mistakes. 

And for this piece, we’re talking about normal human mistakes – not the huge, oops, I didn’t mean to push that button, world consequence type of mistake. Mistakes create complex reactions. When we err, It’s not just that we’ve failed in some way, there’s an emotional component and our egos are involved. Early experiences with shame or embarrassment are easily triggered, especially if our failure or mistake becomes public; we then raise our guard and put on armor. This paradigm holds us back from learning and growth. 

Trial and Error
We humans learn and grow by doing, by iteration and by trial and error. So, it behooves us to create a different paradigm in our minds that embraces the process with both a forgiving and accountable mindset. We must see and address our mistakes but not carry the emotional burden past it’s useful teaching life. In my own experience, a pivotal moment was in hearing a former teacher speak of mistakes as learning moments. He has incorporated this into the culture of his organization at all levels. Their company continues to thrive and grow. This mindset, this paradigm addresses the accountability factor with the learning that leads to greater growth. 

At The Workbench
So how can we begin to shift our internal paradigm? We start with observation and awareness, looking carefully at our own reactions. The next time you make a mistake or are impacted by those of others, stay in the moment for a beat or two longer and pay attention your reaction and thoughts. What do you notice? How does your body respond? Are you creating a story in your mind?

Mistakes, learning, failure – these ideas interact with sense of self, trust, psychological safety, risk, and vulnerability. We all blunder, slip up, gaffe, misstep, overshoot, and will continue to do so in the messiness of living, of being human. This is what we bring to The Workbench in the moment. From here, we decide what changes need to be made and begin the inner work.

On a related note (pun intended) EP 022 of The Workbench Podcast with Karen Baker demonstrates this paradigm shift in action. She experiences a breakthrough in her own creative process – moving away from the need to have things “perfect” to being willing to face her own wrong notes. Give a listen for some good conversation, creative process insights, and music!  Link Here

At The Workbench:  3 Things to Shift the Mistake Paradigm

1.  Observe. Notice your reactions. How do you react when you know you’ve made a mistake? How do you deal with others who disappoint you with theirs? 
2. Own.  By owning your error or failure, you are holding yourself accountable, and this self-leadership can shift the paradigm for others too. Acknowledging yes. Learning, yes. Eternal penance, no. 
3. Focus on growth. When someone else holds you hostage to a past or current mistake, how will you respond? By owning your error and learning from it, you can break free from the hostage mentality and defensiveness that prevents true growth. 

Thank you for reading! Sending love and light, as always.

Photo by Jonas Denil on Unsplash