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Hi all, and welcome to another episode of the Workbench! Today’s episode is both a shout out and reflection to Greg McKeown and his brilliant book, Essentialism. This work has changed my life, giving me the permission needed to refocus on what I wanted out of my life – not what I felt I SHOULD be doing. I highly recommend his book – it’s well organized, well written, and he has woven together so many great elements of thought in how to cut through the noise. I hope you enjoy it!
Many of us remember our parents telling us as children something to the effect of “be careful of the company you keep.” This was meant to remind us to “make good choices” in the people we decide to hang out with. And certainly, many of us remember the times that we didn’t heed that advice and were impacted by our ‘not-so-good’ choices.
This idea has been ever present in my mind over the last few years as I make my daily commute to San Diego. I’m in the car for at least two hours a day, and while there are definitely days that it’s a drag, I feel lucky to be commuting in this age of tech – to have several excellent podcasts keeping me company, inspiring me, opening up my mind, giving me courage and resources to pursue the things I’m interested in.
Mom and Dad were right: we need to be careful of the company we keep – especially when in the very early phases of exploring an exciting new idea or dream. Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes, Seth Godin and Michael Hyatt – these podcasters all share a powerful message of positivity interwoven with the actual “how-to” get things done. In almost every podcast, I’ve been able to find at least one idea or action item that I can apply to the building of my body of work. And, more importantly, these voices are all saying Yes – you can do this, and here’s how.
This company I’ve been keeping has helped make it possible to slog through the inevitable moments of doubt, weariness, fear and questioning…and I can’t underscore enough, how relevant this old parental advice is.
So…today, I’d like to share one of the major books that has shaped my thinking over the past several years. It’s called Essentialism, by Greg McKeown, and there are so many great ideas in there that can be applied to increase focus, fulfillment and satisfaction in our lives and work.
I found Greg McKeown by stumbling across an article he wrote with the title “ If You Don’t Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will.”
Gaining awareness of this idea was extremely powerful. And daunting too, because what this means is that the ultimate responsibility lies with us to create and defend how we spend our discretionary time. If we are responsible, then saying “I’m too busy” is a cop out – we aren’t owning our own decisions on how we fill our time.
McKeown outlines the idea of Essentialism as follows:
“The way of the Essentialist means living by design, not by default. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the nonessentials, and then removes obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage. In other words, Essentialism is a disciplined, systematic approach for determining where our highest point of contribution lies, then making execution of those things almost effortless.”
The book is broken into four sections:
- Part 1: Essence – What is the core mind-set of an Essentialist
- Part 2: Explore: How can we discern the trivial many from the vital few?
- Part 3: Eliminate: How can we cut out the trivial many?
- Part 4: Execute: How can we make doing the vital few things almost effortless?
So much in this book has been put to use in my life, and I’d like to share with you three of the ideas I implemented that have changed how I operate in life.
All of these are used within the larger and more essential idea of having determined where my highest point of contribution lies, that of writing, podcasting and coaching.
The top three are the ideas of:
- Protect the Asset
- Trade Offs
- Saying No gracefully
Protect the Asset
I regularly use this idea in my coaching and at work because it is so relevant to how we set up our lives today. How can you protect the Asset that is you? So many people I know continue to add to their lives and lists by shaving the margins of the personal time needed to think and reflect, to exercise and eat well – to feed the engine that is our body, mind and soul. To be effective in our lives, there are basic elements we need that are seemingly at odds with our always-on world. Our options and choices have exploded, but our capacity to process has remained relatively unchanged. And the relentless marketing messaging that comes at us all day, every day, makes it seem like we should be able to turbo charge our bodies with all manner of boosts, energy drinks, and drugs. Did you know that there is a quiet epidemic of mothers taking the ADHD drug Adderall, so that they can stay focused and get through all the work they feel they need to do in a day? According to one article (not fact checked) the number of prescriptions for Adderall for US women have increased 750% between 2002 – 2010.
We all (men, women and kids) feel we have more to do, and less down time, and the marks this leaves on our psyche’s is unhealthy. The answer is not to schedule better, it’s to regroup and redefine what is important and essential in our lives – the things we feel committed to, that will bring us fulfillment and satisfaction.
So, to start, it is essential to get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and have some time for reflection and relaxation.
If you have an imbalance here, you are not alone. This is hard to achieve, but it is worthy of your attention and intention to solve this. Like putting on the oxygen mask on the plane – take care of yours first, so you can help others. And you don’t have to make big changes in your life all at once, all you have to do is one small thing to move towards better balance. Small steps applied regularly will get you to your desired state.
This leads to the second key idea of impact – the idea of Tradeoffs.
We have to sleep, eat, exercise, work, spend time with family…and then what? There’s always so much on the list: but it all boils down to doing more things.
When talking about tradeoff’s, it’s about reframing the paradigm. Instead of thinking about how you can “do it all” you can ask: what do I want to go big on?
It’s very seductive to think that we can somehow fit all of the stuff we want to do into our lives, by scheduling better, by walking both sides of the line, by burning the candle at both ends. But it always comes back to: What results do you want, and what is your most important priority? Reframing your options within these questions can lead to better clarity and decision making in the face of all the inputs that we face on the daily.
The other piece of this is FOMO, or fear of missing out. How many times have we arrived at a party with mixed feelings – not wanting to miss out, but in our souls, wishing we were somewhere else, perhaps sitting at home relaxing? It can be really hard to discern what is more important, but if you go to the party, the trade off is that you miss a relaxing night at home. You CAN’T do both. This can be applied everywhere in your life. The feeling of FOMO dissipates when you have the reflection time to understand what is most important to you in the moment, and you make the decision consciously, rather than by default.
A family friend of ours shared his strategy for deciding whether or not to go out for events, and that was, if it was more interesting to go out than stay in, he would go out. Turns out, there were many more nights he decided to stay in, and he wasn’t conflicted about it. I have used this in my own life, to great success, and once the decision is made, I can drop into fully enjoying the thing I’ve CHOSEN.
This all seems so obvious as I’m putting this together, but there are all these unseen, in the background values at play. We want to serve and be part of something bigger, so it seems we should attend/volunteer/participate. If we don’t dig into the why behind what’s driving our decision making, we have undermined our ability to choose.
As McKeown states: “The ability to choose cannot be taken away or even given away – it can only be forgotten. And choice is at the very core of what it means to be an essentialist.”
This leads conveniently into the third key idea of impact: the ability to say no gracefully.
This can be very hard at first to get comfortable with, and then it’s beautifully easy.
It’s hard because we want to serve, we don’t want to let others down, sometimes we feel obligated, often, as in the case of work or family, there is an expectation we have to meet, and if we haven’t done the work to discern what is most important, we often don’t have a way to politely and gracefully decline. It can feel awkward. Also, there are elemental human group dynamics at play – we want to please and be included. And that damn, ever present guilt – many of us would rather hang from our fingernails than carry around a burden of guilt. But this vague, uneasy guilt is wasted energy, and McKeown offers these strategies:
- Separate the decision from the relationship
- Find different ways to convey “no” without using the word no – like “I don’t have the bandwidth right now.”
- Focus on the tradeoff – a graceful no grows out of a clear but unstated calculation of the trade off
- Remind yourself that everyone is selling something
- Make your peace with trading popularity for respect
- Remember that a clear no can be more graceful than a vague or uncommitted yes.
So, where do I apply these concepts in my life?
Paying attention to my body and what it needs has been so pivotal for me. I neglected this for years and it took a real toll. And while I don’t always get it right, I focus on getting enough sleep and trying to get some exercise every day. I mostly eat well, and I regularly take time to reflect and relax. There is no perfect formula, only a continued paying of attention. It’s has taken me several years to understand my energy ebb and flow, and to get to a place where I feel I have this dialed in, but focus on sleep was the first step, and that has had a huge positive impact on my decision making process, in mitigating my anxiety, and reducing the amount of stress and minor colds/illnesses that used to be more present in my life.
Understanding the idea of trade-offs was also extremely important, and this intertwines with being able to gracefully decline an invitation or project that doesn’t fit with what I’m going big on. Even today, as I sit here in my writing room, there are at least 5 other things that I would enjoy doing, but this comes first. I have decided that my commitment to sharing these ideas as part of The Workbench is what I want to go big on. So, the house is messy, I have company coming this week, and work, and gardening, etc. I choose this. And this means that everything nonessential else comes after.
I hope these ideas stimulate your thinking about becoming more of the designer of life, and that the beautiful idea of having choice can lead to a feeling of empowerment, allowing you to make tradeoffs without feeling guilty, say no (or yes) in a way that is appropriate for how you would like to be living.
Where can you apply these ideas in your life? I’d love to hear from you – If you have some stories that you’d like to share, please reach out! Leave a comment at Kristinaau.com or send me your story at au.kristina@gmail.com.
Essential: Glass of Water – Photo Credit: Photo by Ethan Sykes on Unsplash
Resources:
Book: Essentialism by Greg McKeown: https://gregmckeown.com/book/
Article: https://www.thefix.com/content/adderall-addicted-american-moms90314