As I sped into the train station parking lot, and then watched the train pull away while purchasing my ticket, I realized (again) this morning that I have an uneasy relationship with time. One less red light, or 30 more seconds and I would almost be at work right now.
There’s a little post-it on my laptop keyboard: There is enough time for everything. The reminder is necessary – without it, no matter how productive or full the day, there remains a feeling of not having done enough. At 8:00 at night, after 14 hours of doing all the things to contribute to family and work, there should be a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, letting down. Time to rest the body and mind, to rejuvenate. Often, though, there is a feeling of coming up short, of wanting to accomplish just one more thing. When does the work we do become enough?
We Get to Decide
If our lists are never complete, and there is always more to do, then it becomes our responsibility to set the boundaries and expectations for ourselves and others. This can be tricky – there are work, family and community demands that we are obligated to honor. But beyond that is another level: our own expectations as well as our unrealistic cultural phenomenon of “always on.” There are many times in which we get to choose and decide. Untangling this is a process, and is something that requires attention and intention, awareness and then communication.
This is the work of clarity that then allows us to show up and communicate with confidence. To be able to say to a friend: “No, I have to decline your invitation, but I very much appreciate the invite.” To a boss: “yes, I can do that, but these deadlines will have to change for me to get this done.” To the family, “No, I can’t make the reunion this year.” Your own clarity allows for grace in communicating your boundaries to others.
And for ourselves, it can be even harder to make peace with what’s enough. Our bodies tell us though, and for me, when I start to get frustrated or short tempered or resentful, I know it’s time for a break.
Taking Stock
Right now, looking out at the ocean, I feel my frustration with missing that first train ebb. I’ve got hot coffee, views of the Pacific, this writing thing. I’m not in traffic, and there’s a whole day ahead. My intention today: work hard, then honor a hard stop so I can be present to the evening and my family.
Hey all – I know I’m not alone. What do you do to balance the demands of life? Comments welcome!